In September, we took an escape from the routines of life for a much-needed women’s retreat in a cozy home nestled in the hills of Hollywood. We joined with Hillside Ministry of LA and had the privilege of spending two days with Sue Park-Hur of Reconciliasian to glean knowledge and truth from the Book of Ruth on the theme of Wholeness: Trauma & Resilience. Most times, when we read this book, we look through the perspective of Ruth, but Sue redirected us to take a different look- through the lense of Naomi.
We began by introducing ourselves, in particular, our names and the meaning of our names. Why is our name important in the wholeness of who we are? It was astonishing to hear the thought and stories that went behind the choosing of one’s names: girl of Christ, bright & shining, graceful lily, early morning grace (she was born in the dawn and there was an undeniable presence of God’s grace all around), treasure, warrior, joyful presence, and the list goes on. Whether they were chosen by our parents, grandparents, relatives, or even ourselves, we could not take for granted that our names are an integral part of who God wants us to be, and the power behind the meanings.
Naomi means “God is my delight; pleasant to me,” but in the midst of her pain and trauma she calls herself, Mara- meaning “life is bitter." And she cries out for her daughter-in-laws to leave her. But Ruth replies, “ Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” (Ruth 1:16-17)
Ruth’s name means “companion.” Now mind you, Ruth also, was not without pain. She had just lost her husband as well. Yet, she comes along side Naomi in both their time of need, and fulfills the calling behind the meaning of her name.
“Who and what are the names of the women who have influenced your life, and how has she shaped you to understand God, yourself, and others?” Sue asked.
For many it had been our mothers who had sacrificed so much, a mother-in-law who exemplified what it means to be a successful business woman yet still be humble in the home, a friend who although was battling cancer never stopped praising God until the end. They were a gift- these women who have loved us, challenged us, sacrificed for us- they helped shape a part of the wholeness we are today, despite their own set of pain. They are the “Ruths” in our lives.
“Trauma is a deep wound that happens when something painful or harmful happens in our lives, and usually impacts us for a long period of time. “
Each of our women, was asked to bring a symbol of their trauma to the retreat. We went around sharing them and what they represent. So many intimate illustrations: seaweed, which is used in Korean culture as a restorative meal after childbirth, was a symbol of the loss of a mother whom she longed for by her side during labor, a handmade bracelet that symbolized a beloved grandfather who had create it, pain-killers representing the physical pain of her trauma, and sand symbolizing the uncertainty of life and the future.
It was evident that not one life was absent of some kind of trauma, as we participated in the activity of drawing the flow of our lives in the “River of Life” exercise. It is a truth of this life on earth. But we could see through each person’s illustration, moments where God gave us an element of hope and strength…of resilience.
“Resilience is the capacity to bounce back after adversity.” What hit me, personally, was that “pain that is not transformed, is transferred.” (Richard Rohr). I saw this cycle in my own life. And to learn that it can be passed on to our children made me determined to stop this vicious cycle. So then how did Naomi break free from the cycle of pain? We learned from Sue, that Naomi found four things: safety, supportive and trusting relationships, positive leadership, and a choice.
Dear one, I want to ask you the question that Sue asked us: Who or what are the people, events, or things that have helped you break free from the cycle of pain? Find yourself a symbol to represent that resilience. We did. And as before, we each shared the story of our symbol of resilience, and then we each prayed for and anointed another sister with oil. In Psalm 61, it says,
“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord
has anointed me to preach good news to the poor…
to comfort those who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion-
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning”
In my own traumas, I have found, that my ability to even speak about them, is a sign of healing. And I have realized that the scars will always be a part of who I am- they are part of the whole that makes me, me- but they no longer destroy me, rather they have equipped me to understand and comfort the pains of others.
Call it what you will (village, tribe, clan) we all need these communities where we can carry one another -just like Naomi and Ruth did- to journey from brokenness to wholeness, as companions.
This is a song we sang together…
CHRISTINE CHANG is a dreamer, student of life, wife, and mother of two little adventurers. She loves tea, meeting inspiring people, collaborating with creatives, and creating beautiful things. She jumps at the opportunity to travel and explore the cultures of the world, and in her spare time continues to pursue her childhood passion of ice skating.